


Make It Worth Your While

by thekindyousave



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Drabble, Feels, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 06:16:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3559163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekindyousave/pseuds/thekindyousave
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi and Erwin learn a thing or two about life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make It Worth Your While

_I’ll fix these broken things_  
_Repair your broken wings_  
_And make sure everything’s alright_

Levi is not a people person. He’s quiet, moody, and keeps to himself. He lets others make assumptions about him because it’s much easier than going around, correcting people. In his many years on Earth, he’s found that pretending not to care is much less complicated. That does not means that he _doesn’t_ , he just doesn’t _show_ that he does. He deals with the surprise in people’s faces when he shows concern, because it’s better than handling people coming into his space because they’ve found out that he’s not so much of an asshole as he pretends to be. It’s neater, if something. Being cold and unreachable gives him easy control of who gets close and who doesn’t. 

Of course, every rule he’s set applies to everyone except one Erwin Smith. He doesn’t know what it is about him. If it’s his controlling demeanor, his eloquence and grace when talking, the way his eyes seem to look through Levi and read his thoughts. 

Erwin came to him at a point in his life when all he knew was darkness, and gave him a choice. He put all his trust in Levi even when he had given him no reason to do so. Levi was confused, and annoyed, and trying to keep his cards close to his chest but somehow he knew that wouldn’t stop Erwin from knowing everything about him.

And it scared him. It scared him to no end to know that he wasn’t the one in control anymore. That no matter how much he tried, Erwin would be one step ahead of him, but at the same time, he’d be half turned to him, asking for his opinion. Levi had never been validated like that in his whole life, and he wasn’t sure what to do with it. 

So he acted out. He needed to know how long would Erwin keep this act up. When he would get tired and stop pretending that he needed Levi and thought of him as something else than a weapon. But besides a disappointed expression or a stern discussion, Levi didn’t get much more. No matter how far he’d go in trying to push Erwin over the edge, he’d never manage to do it, and it was infuriating. 

Somewhere along the way, he found Erwin’s crestfallen expression and silence much more punishing than if he lashed out at him. So he stopped. 

He stopped trying. He gave up and let Erwin feel him soft and pliable in his fingers. A certain dark night, when the silence was closing up around him, Levi found himself in front of Erwin’s quarters, hand suspended inches from the door. When he managed to enter, and saw Erwin’s broken expression, the exhaustion under his eyes, the way their fingers struggled with his quill, Levi thought that maybe Erwin desperately needed something he hadn’t found in someone else. So he walked to him, mouth shut, and took the quill from his fingers. Erwin was so exhausted he hadn’t heard him come in and startled at the hand brushing over his, eyes widening in question, but Levi just shook his head. He took the blond by the hands and, still silent, pulled him towards the bed. 

Levi tried to convince himself that Erwin shuffling close and making himself small to rest his head on Levi’s chest didn’t make his stomach turn. When he heard Erwin’s breathing slow down, he risked a hand through his hair, thinking that maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.

 

The first time Levi saw Erwin in real danger, he broke inside. He had to give a little credit to himself, to stay in character, to keep the mask on long enough to avoid people asking uncomfortable questions. 

As soon as they were behind doors, though, everything Levi was keeping inside exploded. Erwin was trying to explain himself, calm, and collected, _as he always fucking was_. Levi was standing, hands clenched in fists, almost vibrating with anger, while Erwin sat, breathing slow and relaxed. Talking in soft tones, as to appease a raging animal. _There’re so many soldiers losing their lives over my commands, Levi. I can’t not put myself in the line. It wasn’t dangerous. I knew I could get out of it. And I had you there to watch my back._

_I have too much blood on my hands already to handle having yours there, too._

That finally got Erwin to shut up. He closed his mouth and regarded him with a calculated look, one of those Levi despised, because it made him like he was on display, like he was some strategic move Erwin hadn’t quite mastered yet. All he wanted was Erwin to lose composure, to stop acting as if it wasn’t Levi who he was talking to. As if he had to keep pretending, while Levi had shown him all the skeletons in his closet.

Levi closed the distance between them with long steps and crashed his lips against his, pouring his soul out through them, screaming in movements everything Erwin already knew even if Levi had never said it out loud. 

 

Levi took pride in knowing he was managing to peel every layer The Commander had. That he could somehow be a rock strong enough for Erwin to rest against, a shoulder soft enough for him to cry on, a pillow tender enough to cradle in his arms in his sleep. Levi knew their soldiers thought of the bond between their Commander and their Corporal with reverence. No one dared stand between them, because they were a force to be reckoned with. He knew many hypothesised about the nature of their relationship, but Levi didn’t care. He’d mastered the act of tough skin a long, long time ago. And he only took it off for Erwin. 

It took many, many years for Levi to learn that finding a safe place where one could be vulnerable was not the same as being weak. That risking his life for the sake of others was maybe stupid, yes, but courageous, and something valuable to a person’s character. That it was okay to break down and to be scared and that when night came he could say everything he had on his mind because only the wind, the moon, and those bright blue eyes were listening and nobody would tell another soul. 

He taught Erwin that having to be strong for those below him, those he had sworn to protect, didn’t mean he didn’t need someone to protect him, as well. That taking a break, breathing fresh air, and allowing himself to smile and enjoy the moment didn’t mean all those lost lives he carried on his shoulders were pointless. That he, too, was allowed to feel human, and be selfish, and accept that maybe he didn’t know what would happen, he didn’t know what the right course of action should be, and that nobody would blame him for one mistake. That his life was as valuable as any other’s and that the fact that there would always be someone to replace him in his position didn’t mean there was someone who could replace him in the world. 

They learned together that maybe they lived in a crazy world and nobody came out of it breathing but that was no reason to stop feeling alive in the process.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no fucking idea what this is supposed to be. Grooveshark punched me right in the feels with a string of songs that got me thinking about Eruri and here we are.
> 
> I literally just finished this and there's probably a ton of spelling mistakes but hey *shrugs*
> 
> Please let me know what you thought! <3
> 
> As always if you feel like it come hang out with me on [tumblr](http://actualhawkguy.tumblr.com)


End file.
